The Misadventures of Schwarz Part 3
by Himizu1
Summary: Brad falls asleep in front of the TV and begins to dream... Enough said. (formattings good ont his one ^_^)


Yes! I am alive! I just got done moving (and moving back. don't ask). Then I went to my first anime convention. . . Then school. . . Blah. I haven't really had any time to write or get any inspiration. But, here it is. Finally. My Brad story. I'm not getting into how I got the idea of it. Too stupid and I'm too pissed off to get into it, so hopefully this turns out somewhat funny. I'm gonna try to get the formatting right on this story. Blah blah blah, here's the story. None of the charas are mine. Wish they were. . . Might have some money then. Oh, and I have no clue what I'm doing with this story as of now, I'm just typing it as it comes, so I'm not going to be correcting any mistakes so be prepared for bad grammar. This story may be shorter than my others. . . Oh darn. Oh, in case anyone was wondering, there most likely won't be a Misadventures of Schreient series by me. Anyone who wants the idea, feel free to take it.  
  
The Misadventures of Schwarz Part 3 (finally) Brad's Dream Fairy Tale  
  
This might be a bit confusing. it is as I'm writing it, but there will be commercial breaks and channel changing going on in it, and I'll try to make it kind of obvious when it happens. *** Once upon a time, there was a lonely, oh so lonely, American guy named Brad.  
  
"Oh, I'm so lonely," he said one day. He was so lonely, that he turned on TV (gee, we all know no Americans use the television .) and flipped through the channels. Seeing how he hadn't watched any TV in a very long time, he got bored very soon and fell asleep. As he slept, the channel button got stuck and the shows continued to change off and on between one another.  
  
As Brad began to dream, the batteries in the remote gave out for a while and the TV stopped on a soap opera. Brad tossed and turned in his reclining chair as the dream became clearer.  
  
~~~(momentary writer's block as the scene changes. . . honestly)~~~  
  
Brad yawned silently and sat up. He looked around, (no I'm not going to do the look up-down-gay thing from the Ken story, sadly it's already been done) and realized there was an argument going on between two guys, who happened to look surprisingly like Aya and Schuldig.  
  
"Who the hell do you think you are?!" Aya screamed and pushed Schu into the wall. "First you find out she's your sister, then you try and steal her boyfriend?!" (oooo, better than any soap opera I've seen)  
  
"I didn't try and steal anybody's boyfriend!" Schu replied stepping away from the wall. "He made the moves on me!"  
  
Aya glared for a moment then turned around. "We will be back after these messages," he said and suddenly turned into Ken as the backsetting changed into a laundry room.  
  
"As a soccer mom, I realize the importance of a good detergent," Ken said wiping his hands on his apron. "My children are always getting dirty one way or another, off and on the field. Because of this, I use All."  
  
Ken bends into the washer and pulls out a pair of socks, then pulls another pair from a table.  
  
"See the difference between the two? All removes all of those tough to get out stains, just li-"  
  
~~~back in the real world~~~  
  
Brad tossed a little and squeezed the remote, causing the batteries to work again. Soon the batteries gave out again and stopped on a fairy tale movie. (seeing how I haven't watched many lovey-dovey Disney movies for a while, I have no clue what stories these are coming from, but it doesn't matter, they're all mixed up anyway)  
  
~~~back in dream-land~~~  
  
As Brad caught his balance from the recent change in settings, he saw a glass coffin.  
  
"Gasp!" Brad cried. "A glass coffin! Oh, what shall I do?"  
  
He looked inside the coffin and realized there was an ugly prince inside. He cringed a bit, and realized he was hungry. He sniffed and sniffed, and finally sniffed something yummy-smelling. He followed his nose, which lead him to a small little cabin. He didn't bother knocking, seeing as how no one else knocks in fairy tales, and looked inside. There he saw a big rabbit taking something out of the oven.  
  
"Why, Mr. Rabbit," Brad started. "What might you be taking out of the oven?"  
  
"Well Mr. Crawford," the Rabbit began. "'Tis the big bad wolf that Hansel and Gretel shot in the woods after Little Red Riding Hood ate her Grandmother! Would you like some?"  
  
"Why yes I would Mr. Rabbit," he said as he took a slice. As he bit into it, he realized that it wasn't a big bad wolf. No, it wasn't a big bad wolf at all. . . It was a poisonous apple! When he realized this, he ran out of the house and bumped into a fairy.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry Miss Fairy, I didn't mean to bump into you!" Brad said, trying to look for an antidote for the poison. As if on queue, three blind mice came and gave Brad some curds and whey made by a little spider that instantly cured him from the apple poison.  
  
"Who the hell are you calling "Miss Fairy" you damned gringo!" the fairy yelled. "You WILL address me as "Farfello the Fairy Irish Godmother-Man"!" (don't ask how that name came to be. . .)  
  
Brad looked confused a moment, then remembered how lonely he was.  
  
"Oh, I'm so lonely!" he said again, and fell to his knees.  
  
"Oi, while you're down there, do something useful!" Farfello the Fairy Irish Godmother-Man commanded.  
  
"Do THAT? To YOU?!" Brad asked, a bit disgusted by the Farf-ish fairy.  
  
Farfello glared. "Who said I wanted you to touch me? I just wanted you to pick up those magic bean stalk beans so those damned pigs can get away from Show White! And you, author girl! I already told you, it's "Farfello the Irish Fairy Godmother-Man"! If you don't get it right I'll quit!"  
  
To avoid another argument between her and another Weiß character, the author agreed and smirked seeing Farfello the Irish Fairy Godmother-Man floating 6 inches from the ground in a short, pink dress with little pink angel wings. (aww, he's so cute!)  
  
Brad looked confused again, not sure what to make of the last paragraph, but looked to Farfello the Irish Fairy Godmother-Man. "Can you help me with my loneliness?"  
  
Farfello the Irish Fairy Godmother-Man stared at Brad in disbelief. "You mean you made a dream of me in a fucking pink tutu because you were lonely?!" he screamed. "What the hell is wrong with you? Just go to a fucking street corner if you wanna get laid!"  
  
Brad started to tear up. "But. . . But I wanted to get laid by a beautiful frog!" he replied hopefully.  
  
Glaring, Farfello the Irish Fairy Godmother-Man turned away. "You won't take my fucking cookies, but you'll fuck a frog? Dumbass American," he mumbled.  
  
"Huh?" Brad asked, not hearing his complaints.  
  
"NOTHING!" he screamed back, getting tired of being in the story. "If you want to get laid by a beautiful frog, you have to rape an ugly prince!" And with that, Farfello the Irish Fairy Godmother-Man flew off.  
  
Remembering the ugly prince that was in the glass coffin, Brad hurried back to where he entered his dream. He looked around frantically for the glass coffin. He looked and looked until he noticed an itsy bitsy spider.  
  
"Oh, itsy bitsy spider, by any chance have you seen any glass coffin with an ugly prince in it?" Brad asked.  
  
"Why yes I have Mr. Brad," the spider replied. "I believe that Little Boy Blue is eating his pie on it!"  
  
Brad left as quick as he could and tripped right over Little Boy Blue.  
  
"Gasp! It's Little Boy Blue!" Brad cried. He pushed the boy away from the coffin and started jumping on the lid of the glass coffin.  
  
"My God!" he cried. "It's Plexi-Glass!"  
  
He continued without stopping, jumping and jumping and jumping some more. He jumped and jumped, while running into a few birds and bees, and finally he heard the glass begin to crack. He jumped harder and harder! And even harder!  
  
"Ohhhh!" Brad moaned. (gee, I'm dirty)  
  
He jumped until finally the glass completely broke. . . and he fell through the shattered glass. . . through the ugly prince. . . and right back into the real world where he fell out of his La-Z-Boy reclining chair.  
  
"What?" Brad said, sitting up. "What happened to my ugly prince?! I. . . I wanted my beautiful frog!"  
  
He leaned forward and cried for hours. . . And vowed to himself that he would never forget his love. . . Of the beautiful frog.  
  
****  
  
Wow. Wasn't that fun? Not really. This actually was one of my longer independent fics I've written I think. Well, next comes my Farf story and I think I have an idea I'm going to stick with. I have another Tenki and Himizu story to type up (from way back in July) and a Jerry Springer story to type up. Fun for the whole family! Well, I'll try to get the next ones up ASAP since I've waited so long to do this one. No promises though. I procrastinate a lot. 


End file.
